Home Coming

I am scheduled to pick Malik up in the morning insha allah if all goes well.  I can't believe he is coming home it has been quite a while and the time went by fast  but not fast enough.  almost 10 weeks he was gone from me and not only just gone but sharing those days with his second wife and child.  I am still having major anxiety about our current situation.  It is still hard to share when I am not use to this kind of lifestyle and on top of everything else I don't feel I've ever had a man to myself in the first place; and that is what makes it extra special.  I know when I met Malik he did not have children and I was unable to bare anymore because I got fixed.  I do not regret my choice to not have more children.  I was not the kind to enjoy sharing my space, I guess you can say I am a bit selfish when it comes to my body.  I know that the purpose for us to be on earth is to procreate, but you have to understand at this time my mind set was not in the same fashion as it is today.  I do still stand by my decisions but had I met Malik a year early I would have gladly given him a child.  So since I am not able too, who am I to stand in his way of having children when that is the best joy in life.  I love my husband and respect the man he is and has become with me.  He has to use lots of patience with me and he does because he understand that my culture is so much more different than his  Yes we are both of the African decent only I was born and bred here in the USA and he is a native Ghanaian.   He was born Muslim and i converted to Islam.  I am not challenging the religion in no way at all.  I believe in all Allah stands for but I don't know if this life will truly make me feel complete.  In the past Malik offered me all that I wanted from a man, but as time goes by i long for a much more mental and deeper connection to my significant other.  I want to speak of the arts, be a part of a community that believes in giving back, stand for more than what I am standing for now.  Don't get me wrong with Malik I can do all that I want and he would never stand in my way, but be a support system and stand by my side is a very hard task for him.  Upon coming home he will soon leave off to work, yes he works outside the home in order to provide for us all.  He takes care of his whole family back home and he is supporting me while i finish up my bachelors degree.  Yes my man is good to me, and I will never disrespect nor try to hurt him purposely.  But like I was explaining, evolving is something you can't help to do if you want to grow and become a better human being.  I believe every encounter happens for a reason and I have encountered danger that may disrupt my paradise and the sad part about it is, I didn't realize it was happening until I became In To Deep.  I now long for the mental stimulation I have found in a mystery man I've never seen but our flow in motions and emotions regarding life is on point.  I don't know if it is a test but I am willing to bet that it is.  I'll see what happens in the end but until then I am a partner to my husband and also his best friend.