"Daddy Daddy look at me am I pretty?" Girl what are you doing; take that damn white towel off your head and stop acting crazy. I was so confused because I didn't understand what my Daddy was saying to me. All I ever see on tv is white people, he buys me white dolls and I'm just eight years old. I though he would be proud to see me trying to look white. Yes I wanted to be white and I thought at that time when I have my children, I was going to marry a white man, so that my kids would not have to endure the pain and humiliation for being black. There were times I hated the skin i was in because everyone around me made me feel so ugly and unwanted, except for my Daddy, he always said that I was a beautiful girl and one day I will see it. I think that was the last year I received a white doll for Christmas. He (my father) saw what he was saying to me and stopped. I wasn't able to get the baby alives, because during that time there were no black name brand dolls on the market and the black plastic dolls were far and few. I tell this story because it is a story that haunts me to this day. I was so clueless and I have to thank Allah for guiding me in the right direction through out life and finding my black is beautiful.
During that same time in my life I had a crush on the neighbors cousin who came to visit every summer and he in return liked me. So one summer we decided to call ourselves going together. He would sit on the porch with me and play jacks or let me read to him. I was a big Judy Blum fan at the time and Blubber was the book I read that summer. We were both very happy and pleased with one another company. One day Pie Face, the girl who stayed around the corner came over and saw my boyfriend, his name was Scooby. She told all the neighborhood kids that she wanted him. Well, Pie
Face was light skinned and her face was flat and she had two buck teeth and wore her hair permed. All the boys in the neighborhood co horsed Scooby into thinking she was the better catch. He told me in private that he only wanted me and he loved my looks, which I was dark with kinky hair and big eyes, but this was his preference. So to save face he decided to ask me if he can have us both. I said yes because I did not want to lose him.
One day we all were on the porch and Pie Face said it was time for us to kiss our boyfriend and that she was going first. She sat on his lap and started kissing him and when she stopped, Scooby wiped his lips and held his arms out to me. I couldn't do it, I couldn't go after another girl. I told him it was either her or me but two aint gone work. He chose me and sent Pie Face packing. For years after that happened I always wondered what it was he saw in me, he was very handsome too. That's why Pie Face wanted him. He was carmel skin with light brown eyes and curly sandy brown hair. I will never forget Scooby for as long as I live. He was the first guy to see the beauty that i couldn't even see inside me at the time. I often wonder what ever happened to him and if he is happy, I never saw Scooby again after that year, his cousins moved that fall and I was truly heart broken. So the moral of this story is that; if time permit, the beauty inside ones soul may not be apparent to that person during a certain era in their life but with time and wisdom you will become comfortable in the skin that you're in. I thank my first boyfriend Scooby for seeing a side of me early on in life.
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